Relationship Therapy

Understanding relationship addiction or co-dependency

Relationship Issues often point toward issues with co-dependency, which is defined as a painful set of behaviours, attitudes and beliefs that affect an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also referred to as relationship addiction, which means the individual regulates themselves in response to the person they are in relationship with. Often this person is emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or will be trauma bonding due to commonality in past life experiences. In such cases, seeking relationship rehab becomes imperative to unravel the deep issues leading to co-dependency.

Co-dependency or unhealthy styles of relating are typically learned in early childhood. Children raised in family environments where there is ongoing stress or abuse that prevents caregivers from providing emotional safety and nurturing, will often develop unhealthy relational patterns. Experiencing being (or watching other family members being) shamed, blamed or abused, results in chronic fear of disapproval, cravings for validation or insatiable need for attention or emotional soothing. A common consequence of growing up in an environment such as this is the individual learns to neglect their own needs and feelings and to instead be highly focussed on attending to the needs of others in all future relationships – in order to artificially receive the approval/validation/attention/soothing they are unable to provide for themselves.

Relationship Therapy: Signs you need treatment

Relationship therapy may be a necessary step to self-improvement if you relate to 3 or more of the following points that indicate you may have co-dependant tendencies:

• You’re actively involved in the lives of others whilst neglecting your own
• You seek to please others, saying nothing causes you anxiety
• You seek approval from others and have fears of being rejected or abandoned
• You rescue others and/or look for opportunities to help, even when you are exhausted or have your own issues that need attending to
• You try to control others in order to feel okay
• You have low self-esteem, feeling that you are never good enough, or not as good as other friends/family members
• Poor boundaries, you feel responsible for others’ feelings
• Feeling and behaving reactively to everyone’s thoughts and feelings
• You put other people’s needs before your own
• Constantly needing to listen to and fix others’ problem
• Inability to communicate your own thoughts, feelings and needs effectively
• Obsessions about other people and their relationships
• You find it hard to spend extended periods alone
• You find it hard to end relationships that are destructive or abusive
• You find it hard to reach out and ask for help for yourself
• You find it hard to have intimate relationships
• Painful and overwhelming emotions or feelings of numbness

Core issues addressed by relationship rehab

Pia Mellody has defined the following five core issues of codependency, which will be delved into in a safe and supportive relationship rehab environment:

Self–esteem Issues:

Self-esteem comes from the ability to value one’s self from the deep knowledge of your inherent worth. Struggling with self-esteem results in a relational style of going one-up (better-than) or one-down (less-than) in relationships with others.

Boundary Issues:

Boundaries exist to facilitate intimacy in relationships. Struggling with boundaries can look like being boundary-less (too vulnerable or victimised) or being walled off (invulnerable) or bouncing back and forth between the two extremes.

Reality Issues:

Children need to have their reality validated. If a child experiences some type of issue or abandonment when expressing their reality, they will learn to detach from their reality over time. As adults, they will have a difficult time knowing what their reality is or holding on to their reality in the face of someone else’s reality.

Needs/Wants:

Healthy adults know how to be interdependent with others and to take responsibility for getting their needs and wants met. Struggling with dependency issues results in being too dependent, anti-dependent, or unaware of one’s needs and wants.

Moderation Issues:

Knowing how to live life moderately is a key adult life skill. Struggling with moderation can look like being very controlling, super-mature, and over-doing or it can look like being out-of-control, super-immature and under-doing.

Navigate healing from co-dependency with relationship therapy — call Byron Private

We understand at Byron Private that only through interaction with others in a safe and supportive environment can the individual identify and work on their co-dependent behaviours. With the support of the Byron Private team, the therapeutic community and your therapists, you will learn to check yourself emotionally, soothe and support yourself, and develop healthy relationships with family and loved ones in relationship rehab.